Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
