; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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