i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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