You can't special order awesome
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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