this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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