i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The uberlube is also flammable
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
