I think I won the penis lottery.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
