Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
