I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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