My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
