You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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