she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
