I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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