What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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