a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
