Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
