Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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