how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
