you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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