she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
