At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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