My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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