I bet he comes in French.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I think my fart just growled at me.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
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You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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