Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
