At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
