new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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