You can't motorboat a personality
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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