wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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