Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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