Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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