did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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