We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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