Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
