Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
