Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
