considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
