We're facebook friends in real life
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
