I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
