I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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