Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
