His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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