As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
