I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
