I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
