Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
