my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
