I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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