I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
