This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
