Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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