my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
