I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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