this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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