sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
