there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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