please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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