i think my tv is drunk
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
