my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
