She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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