Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
