I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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