Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
