sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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