This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
