I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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