So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
this will be a night to untag.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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