Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
