It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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