Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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