I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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