you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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