so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
